empty arms

I know many of you will have no idea what I'm writing about.  And that's okay.  

But did you know that empty arms can seem so, so heavy?  

Did you know that your arms can literally ache to hold your child 

and that your heart aches even more to be called a mother.  

Your ears desperately want to hear a baby's cry or the little laughs and squeals of a child as he or she runs around, giggling with delight.  

You wish you could get up at 2 in the morning, and 3 in the morning, and 4 in the morning to rock and hold your baby close.  

You can just barely smell that new baby smell and when your friend's baby spits up on you, you don't mind at all.  In fact, you actually like it, because it smells like you've been holding a baby.  It reminds you that being a mother is the most precious thing.  

When we had an adoption scam, for a brief moment we thought - this could be it.  We could finally be parents.  

Our arms ache so badly to hold our children.  

And our hearts hurt even more.  

Our families are hurting.  

I know our parents want to be grandparents and our siblings, aunts and uncles. 

And I know Richard would drop everything to be able to be a dad.  

We can't wait to find our little that is meant to be ours.